Our Daily Troubles

This morning.

I woke up curled into his arms. A tangled mess of my long hair and our limbs. I turned towards him and the sun kissed his lashes, gently caressing his arm, his breaths were deep and slow. In that moment of quiet, I watched him, and in his grasp I felt calm. I shut my eyes again to join him in sleep but I woke to his lips pressed against mine, pleading me to awaken. As I opened my eyes, he was smiling at me. It was just like him to say so little, well to say nothing at all. In his simpleness I find comfort and in his sweet seduction and addiction to me, I feel at peace. It’s a wonderful thing to not know where it will go. I just know that in this moment, at this place, I am his and he is mine. And that simple thought is enough.

My bones are old

They ache. They are cold. They yearn to be mended. To not live in pain. They yearn for this struggle to not be in vain.

Sometimes…

dailytroubledailystruggle:

I just want to be told I am beautiful. 

I want to hear that your heart still skips a beat when you see me. 

I want to know that you love me. 

That you will love me. 

Until the end of time. 

I just want to know that I am important. 

That my life has meaning. 

I want to know that my words have meaning. 

That my art matters. 

That my feelings matter. 

I just want to know what it is like to feel special. 

Wanted. 

Loved. 

Appreciated. 

I want to feel beautiful. 

Not that my hips are too fat. My boobs to large. My thighs too big. My hair too curly. My eyes hidden behind my glasses. My bushy eyebrows. My chipped nail polish. My bitten to the bone finger nails. 

I don’t want to hear how I am crazy. A butt. Annoying. A pain. A nerd. A loser. A geek. 

I hear that everyday. 

I hear them snicker at me. At my height. At my glasses. At my car. At my hair. At my ripped shoes. 

I hear it everyday. 

You are fat. I hate your hair color. Your feet are too big. Your arms are getting flabby. 

I hear it from myself. 

I hear it from them. 

You are a disappointment. A failure. Miserable. You are not happy. You need to eat better. 

Why can’t I hear different? 

Why won’t anyone tell me so… 

Sometimes… 

I just want to know that I can be beautiful. 

That I am beautiful. 

Just sometimes. 

I just don’t understand my own heart.

I did some terrible things. But only because he did some terrible things. I regret those terrible things. Cause what if he never really did those terrible things. But I actually did those terrible things. I heard from someone that he had done some terrible things. I always hear from someone that he has done something, then he comes up with a reasonable excuse or explanation over the misunderstood supposed terrible things. After so many times, I am sick of it. Especially since I cannot get him to tell me I am beautiful, yet he finds it easy to let another girl know it… Just to boost her self-esteem… Yet he cannot boost mine. He seems to be lying and know he won’t even fight to explain it all. He won’t even fight. I feel like I am living in a nightmare and my heart yearns for him. Aches for him still. He is all I have known these past 2 years, All I have wanted. Now my heart is torn. I want him, but I know we aren’t forever. He says he will never marry me. It hurts. My heart hurts at his words. We’ve both done terrible things. I just want him to let me go. To be so upset with me that he will never speak to me again, just so that I can move on. Because I can’t be friends with the boy I spent the last years sleeping with, holding, calling him baby, not without it being like ripping the stitches holding the gaping wound he caused in my heart, and then stitching them again. I cannot explain my feelings. I feel so numb. So empty. So broken and unfixable. I don’t know what to do. I just know… I’ve done some terrible things. 

(Source: dailytroubledailystruggle)

Romance’s Death

dailytroubledailystruggle:

It just hurts too much to love you. 

My heart can’t bear the weight. 

Your lies are much to heavy, 

But we are intertwined like fate. 

You had me with just one smile, 

Once glance and I was wasting away. 

With sweet words and soft romances, 

I quickly forgot all your mistakes. 

But when it was my turn to do wrong, 

Instead of forgiving you just sent me away. 

Your harsh words still ringing in my ears, 

I’ll never forget your face. 

Hard lines, pursed lips, 

A face, angry and cold. 

But I did nothing wrong… 

Your stories getting old. 

I think I’m out of forgiveness, 

Especially when it comes to you. 

I’m sorry but our love’s story is over. 

Her lips finally turning blue. 

I think I might turn my poem into a song. 

Romance’s Death

It just hurts too much to love you. 

My heart can’t bear the weight. 

Your lies are much to heavy, 

But we are intertwined like fate. 

You had me with just one smile, 

Once glance and I was wasting away. 

With sweet words and soft romances, 

I quickly forgot all your mistakes. 

But when it was my turn to do wrong, 

Instead of forgiving you just sent me away. 

Your harsh words still ringing in my ears, 

I’ll never forget your face. 

Hard lines, pursed lips, 

A face, angry and cold. 

But I did nothing wrong… 

Your stories getting old. 

I think I’m out of forgiveness, 

Especially when it comes to you. 

I’m sorry but our love’s story is over. 

Her lips finally turning blue. 

(Source: dailytroubledailystruggle)