What is the nicest present you've ever received from a boy?
I’ve only received one present from a boy in a romantic relationship and it was a heart keychain with our names engraved. But I think the best present I ever got was from a boy at church who gave me a ukulele. But all my boyfriends are assholes and have never given me things.
“when the boys pull your hair and push you to the ground
I promise not to tell you that it’s because they like you.
when the teachers call home to tell me that
you pushed them to the ground in return
I’ll take you out of school early and buy
you your favorite ice cream.
when you get older and the boys
try to touch you when you don’t want to be touched
I’ll look at you like the sun when you come home
with anger in your fists.
they all tell you not to fight fire with fire
but that is only because they are afraid of your flames.
when the boys yell after you like hyenas
you yell back, baby.
I will not teach you to be afraid of your anger
so that you look for it in others.
I will not make you be the better person
because you already are.
you wanna fight ‘em? fight ‘em.
don’t you dare apologize for the fierce love
you have for yourself
and the lengths you go to preserve it.
when the boys try to tell you to soften up
I hope you make them bleed with your edges.
I hope you remember that you are not theirs
that their disappointment in you is not yours.
when the boys come to your door with pretty words and
I hope you show them the anger in yours.
I hope you show them just how strong your mommy
thinks you are.
I hope you show them the animal they can’t always
see in their own reflection.
when the boys come with the intention of hurting you
my advice will always stay the same, my darling:
give ‘em hell.”—when the boys come | Caitlyn S. (via lullabysounds)
I know I’m gonna get hate for this but after seeing his performance I stand by that blurred lines isn’t really a bad song. Y’all can disagree but the man is actually kind of awesome and respectful. Dancing with him today was mind blowing and he was so nice to all of us in the audience. Everyone was incredible.
Alright. I’m pretty sure no one ever read my texts post. Especially when they are made at 1am and I’ve been drinking heavily. Well, I’m sober tonight, my mind is fresh and clear, and I can’t shut down. I have to be up early and I can’t seem to stop worrying about everything. I’ve been finding these stupid little things of Adams since I’ve been unpacking and getting all settled. It doesn’t hurt like it used to but it still does. I know that will never change. I think the worst part is that I’ve been on my own for so long now. I’ve healed physically and I’ve become confident in my body and myself once again.
I don’t hate myself the way I used to when I was with him. I used to think it was all my fault and I blamed myself for never being enough for him. All I ever wanted was for him to love me the way that I loved him and he never could. He broke me in ways that I promised myself I would never be broken. But it’s done and I can’t go back and change that.
Then there’s Tyler. I’m more upset with how stupid I was to let him in. He was the first boy since Adam that I truly trusted my heart with. My first boyfriend since Adam. And I think I wanted to be loved so badly, I wanted to be so much more than that girl that gets one night of attention to never be talked to again. I wanted someone’s heart and I wanted him to have mine. Sure id dated and been with others after Adam but I never invested so much emotion into any of them. I cared about Tyler and I could’ve loved him. But there was always something telling me to never go there, to hold on, to wait and I was one step away from loving him. We had this conversation about a month before we broke up and he told me didn’t feel that way about me, that he just liked me, and at that moment I knew he wouldn’t love me. I was stupid to stick around and I know that now. But I never want the other person to look back on the relationship and say that I was to blame. I make sure to give my all because I don’t give up on anyone.
I still firmly believe in the goodness of people. I believe that most of us are good and we make stupid and bad choices. Unfortunately I need to see the bad side of someone. They have to prove it to me otherwise I’m going to fully believe that they are good. I trust and I trust blindly and with everything. I am not ashamed of that. I love and I love and I love and it’s okay that no boy loves me back. I am not ashamed of having hope and love and desires and dreams. I am not ashamed of my body and sexuality and that I have sexual needs as well as emotions. I am not ashamed that I talk too much, I am crazy, and I know what I want.
So even though Tyler and I broke up only a month ago, I knew it was over long before that. I just don’t give up, I don’t make excuses and I put my god dammed heart into every thing I do. I don’t care if I get hurt because I have been broken, been wounded and I have scars on more parts of me than anyone will ever know. I have violent dreams and nightmares of things you wish you’d never seen.
I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m stupid. I really like this new boy. And I don’t give a shit that I’m always finding new guys etc. and I feel like this one might be different. And I know I thought that of Tyler, and I thought that of Adam and probably a bunch of other guys but I don’t give a fuck. I’m happy. I wake up excited because I have a text from a cute boy who seems to enjoy my company. He’s handsome and happy. He listens to me when I talk, he wants to know what I want to do, he thinks I’m beautiful. I’ve taken control of my body with him. If I want something I go after it. I don’t let my fears dictate my actions anymore. And if it doesn’t work out than that’s fine. I have my whole life to learn and make mistakes but like hell will I be 60 years old and regret falling in love, regret being with that boy for that short time. Because I won’t remember the pain, I won’t remember what everyone thought of me, I won’t remember the shit talkers and the gossipers… I will remember the feeling of love I had for that short moment, I will remember the happiness, the kisses, the cuddles, the way I felt with his hands on my hips and his eyes locked into me. That’s what I’ll remember. And if I can die knowing that I didn’t waste a single moment of my life than I will die in peace.
For now, I want to be happy and I want someone to love me but most of all I want to love me. And god fucking dammit I love me.
“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”—Emery Allen (via wethinkwedream)
Apparently there’s a new show set to come on air in a few days called Killer Karaoke. From what I can understand, it’s basically a mixture of Fear Factor and American Idol, hosted by one of the members of Jackass (I honestly wish I was kidding). But…